Friday, June 18, 2010
It has felt so good to have Ava here. I can't describe the relief I have felt to have everything go well. We have been so grateful for all of our children and can't thank Heavenly Father enough for how blessed we are.
Koen's first words when he came to visit and meet Ava in the hospital were "Mom, she didn't die". He has been very happy to have a little sister that got to come home with us.
I can't believe Lana's already 5. She's such a big helper. The other day I wasn't able to cook dinner right away so Lana went and washed the pan she needed to make macaroni and cheese. I got the water in the pan and set the heat. She then waited for the water to boil, put in the macaroni and cooked it. I strained the water and she mixed the ingredients in.
Lana loves holding Ava and helps me a lot with getting diapers and wipes and putting her binky in when she's not happy.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Yes, you are seeing this right. Elliott has miraculously grown a mustache. However he was only able to pull off one of those Mexican Junior High looking ones. (Don't worry El, that's one of the things I love about you, you're not hairy). The only reason he even grew one is because of mustache May in the PHX PD. You will see more cops with a mustache during May than any other month. This was taken the day he had to shave it off. I told him he couldn't have it for the new babies arrival. So when my water broke he had Lana take this picture and then shaved it off.
Their is nothing as sweet as a potty trained cowboy.
Way to go Koen boy! He has been successfully potty trained (day and night) for almost 4 months now.
Elliott and Koen went on the father and sons ward camp out. They had a blast! They went fishing, played in the creek with hand made wood boats, went shooting, hiking and all in 24 hours.
Lana's favorite part was going into the Bridal dressing room because that's were they get ready to get married.
Koen's favorite part was the Ceiling room with the huge chandelier. We walked in and all he could say was "Wow". He couldn't stop looking at it.
It was beautiful.
Sadly we didn't have the best spot for a picture. Note: the background was a horrible choice. We totally spaced it to get a picture in front of the Temple until we were on our way home. I guess we will be going again some day.
Have you ever wondered where all your wet wipes keep disappearing to?
I finally found them.
Lana love's our dog Schoggi (sh-o-gee). I'm not sure how much Schoggi appreciates it.
We have chickens and they have been laying eggs almost every day. However when we found this ginormous egg I could not help but feel sorry for the one who layed it. Had this hatched it would have been twins. Their were two yokes.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
As the contractions got harder and closer together we saw his heartbeat slow during the contractions and go back up after. Then the time came to deliver. The Dr. was there right before I started pushing. At this point Eli was still doing well. Five minutes of pushing went by and he was here. As I held his little body, we didn't really realize that he was gone until we heard the Dr. and nurse confirm to each other that there was no pulse and that he never took a breath. I was rubbing his little body with the blanket and said "you can do it Eli" in hopes that they might be wrong and that all he needed was a little circulation. However our hopes were quickly dashed as we realized that he was gone.
I can't even explain all the feelings that come with a moment of such loss. We felt the pain of his loss and yet we also felt such peace, the same peace that we had felt during the pregnancy with him. We know that he was there with us in spirit even though we couldn't see him.
Elliott and I spent some time alone with him as we let the moment sink in. We bathed his perfect little body and gave him his name and a blessing. We then were memorizing every little feature and noting how he got Elliott and Koens full lips and long dark eyelashes. We had to laugh at how he got my cleft chin and crooked feet. His nose, mouth and full cheeks reminded us a lot of Koen. We were surprised at how much long and dark hair he had, just like Koen and Lana when they were born. We were amazed at his long toes and finger beds. He even had my ears with the connected earlobes. We had to laugh again when we saw the dark peach fuzz on his arms and feet, in fact I think Elliott was getting jealous at how much more hair he already had than him. With all this evidence we were convinced that we had another silly little boy and that Koen and Eli would have been up to way to much trouble together had they been given the chance. :) It was so much fun discovering him and how much he looked like our little boy. We were so happy to finally see him and it felt so peaceful to have him here.
We debated having Lana and Koen see him, especially since he didn't survive the birth. However we wanted them to see him and feel of the wonderful spirit that was there. So Elliott went into the waiting room. When he got there he knelt down next to Lana and Koen and told them that Eli had gone to live with Heavenly Father and Grandma Vonetta. He lifted them both up into his arms and came into the room. The moment that I saw Elliott, Lana and Koen my heart and soul just lept for joy. I can't even explain the huge amount of joy that filled me up. I was so happy I started to cry again. I felt like I could feel Eli jumping for joy as well as we were all together as a family. It's hard to explain, but I was literally feeling two very opposite feelings at the same time. I was extremely sad and extremely happy at the same time.
Koen and Lana when they saw me they were very worried because I was crying. However when I told them that I was crying because I was happy they seemed to be ok with that. They were still very worried however and wanted to know about my IV and everything else attached to me. In fact Lana pointed at the blood pressure cuff and said that she could see my blood in there. :)
We then showed Lana and Koen little Eli who was laying on my lap. We showed them all of his little toes and fingers and the rest of the cute little features that we discovered earlier.
Lana helped and watched me get him dressed and then finally she got to hold him. Lana was very quiet and soft with him and was looking at him very closely.
During the pregnancy Lana would come up and tell me that she missed Eli and used to pray for his head to get better. Now she prays that he will come back soon.
Koen loves to see pictures of Eli and will point at him and say "Eli". At the hospital however he was only interested in Eli enough for this picture and then found a greater interest in my graham crackers and juice. He was really worried about me and my owies and will still ask me about them.
Looking at him it was easy to convince myself that he was just sleeping and that he would wake up at any minute. I loved holding his hands and stroking his cute face.
Our Eternal Family!
I love this picture!
We felt like we couldn't look at him or hold him enough. He's our beautiful little boy that we love and miss so much.
Leaving the Hospital was the hardest and most painful moment of my life. I felt like I was abandoning him and felt the physical separation of him was almost too much. I thought that his death would be the worst part however I was not prepared for the separation. It was like I had to really say good bye and face the fact that he really was gone.
When I think about how hard the separation is I can't help but also think and dream of the moment of reunion and how much more joy that will be than when we were all together for that small moment. The only thing that makes the separation from Eli bearable is knowing that we will see him again and that we are seal together as an eternal family. Thanks to our Savior Jesus Christ and our Families there is true joy in this world.
I can't thank everyone enough for their many many prayers, thoughts and services rendered to our family. We have felt a huge amount of comfort and peace from all the prayers and from our Saviors Love. Thank you all so very much. I hope everyone can some day also feel the kind of joy and peace that has come from our Eli James and our experience with him.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
We can't deny that our Heavenly Father knows our needs better than we do and we are so grateful that he does.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
It was a very fun and memoriable time at the cabin. We are so grateful for our many many blessings. We are especially grateful for this up coming time and season that is dedicated to the remembering of our savior Jesus Christ and the wonderful joy of knowing he is the savior of the world. We hope everyone has a great Christmas and had a great Thanksgiving.
Monday, November 17, 2008
This is cutting it close because as many of you know we are expecting our second boy around January 31st. We are going to name him Eli however we are still working on his middle name. We had our first ultra sound done in September and found out that Eli has a deformity called Anencephaly. Due to this deformity he will pass away shortly after birth. This has been a very bitter sweet time for us as we prepare for his short visit. Knowing of Eli's diagnosis has given us the chance to treasure our time with him during this pregnancy. We are so grateful for the knowledge that our family is eternal and honored to have him in it.
We are so grateful for so many of you who have supported and prayed for us during this time. We will try to keep up on this blog, and would love to hear from family and friends and how you are doing.