We are Back

So it's been WAY to long. Almost 18 months. I had a bunch of drafts written half way here and there and now I'm done with trying to catch up so I'm going to just start from where we are with a short update of the new addition in our Family. I'm sorry for everyone who so eagerly has been waiting to hear what's going on with us. j/k. This is mainly for me to have some what of a diary and for all of you loved ones who we miss and don't get to see all that much.

Ava Michele Williams

Ava Michele Williams is finally here. She was born May 12th at a healthy 8.3 lbs. and 20 inches long.



I just happened to have the camera on and ready when she was dreaming something funny because she was smiling big as you can see.

It has felt so good to have Ava here. I can't describe the relief I have felt to have everything go well. We have been so grateful for all of our children and can't thank Heavenly Father enough for how blessed we are.
Koen's first words when he came to visit and meet Ava in the hospital were "Mom, she didn't die". He has been very happy to have a little sister that got to come home with us.

I can't believe Lana's already 5. She's such a big helper. The other day I wasn't able to cook dinner right away so Lana went and washed the pan she needed to make macaroni and cheese. I got the water in the pan and set the heat. She then waited for the water to boil, put in the macaroni and cooked it. I strained the water and she mixed the ingredients in.

Lana loves holding Ava and helps me a lot with getting diapers and wipes and putting her binky in when she's not happy.

Yes, you are seeing this right. Elliott has miraculously grown a mustache. However he was only able to pull off one of those Mexican Junior High looking ones. (Don't worry El, that's one of the things I love about you, you're not hairy). The only reason he even grew one is because of mustache May in the PHX PD. You will see more cops with a mustache during May than any other month. This was taken the day he had to shave it off. I told him he couldn't have it for the new babies arrival. So when my water broke he had Lana take this picture and then shaved it off.







Their is nothing as sweet as a potty trained cowboy.

Way to go Koen boy! He has been successfully potty trained (day and night) for almost 4 months now.













Elliott and Koen went on the father and sons ward camp out. They had a blast! They went fishing, played in the creek with hand made wood boats, went shooting, hiking and all in 24 hours.

Our most recent family outing was to the Gilla Valley Temple Open House. It was great.

Lana's favorite part was going into the Bridal dressing room because that's were they get ready to get married.

Koen's favorite part was the Ceiling room with the huge chandelier. We walked in and all he could say was "Wow". He couldn't stop looking at it.
It was beautiful.
Sadly we didn't have the best spot for a picture. Note: the background was a horrible choice. We totally spaced it to get a picture in front of the Temple until we were on our way home. I guess we will be going again some day.







Have you ever wondered where all your wet wipes keep disappearing to?

I finally found them.






















Lana love's our dog Schoggi (sh-o-gee). I'm not sure how much Schoggi appreciates it.




















We have chickens and they have been laying eggs almost every day. However when we found this ginormous egg I could not help but feel sorry for the one who layed it. Had this hatched it would have been twins. Their were two yokes.

Our little Eli James

Wednesday night at 11pm we checked into the hospital and started the inducement process at 12:30am Thursday morning. I had two monitors on my belly, one for my contractions and one for Eli's heartbeat. During the next 12 hours of labor Eli seemed to be playing a hide and seek game with the monitor. The nurse would find his heartbeat on the monitor and right when she did he would kick right were the monitor was. A little while later he would move away from the monitor and we would have to find him again, and when we would he would kick the monitor again. This was a small little blessing that I look back on as his way of saying hi to Elliott and me that we could both hear. We had to laugh when he kept doing it and especially when he got the hiccups for a least 5 minutes were we could hear the thumps on the monitor.

As the contractions got harder and closer together we saw his heartbeat slow during the contractions and go back up after. Then the time came to deliver. The Dr. was there right before I started pushing. At this point Eli was still doing well. Five minutes of pushing went by and he was here. As I held his little body, we didn't really realize that he was gone until we heard the Dr. and nurse confirm to each other that there was no pulse and that he never took a breath. I was rubbing his little body with the blanket and said "you can do it Eli" in hopes that they might be wrong and that all he needed was a little circulation. However our hopes were quickly dashed as we realized that he was gone.

I can't even explain all the feelings that come with a moment of such loss. We felt the pain of his loss and yet we also felt such peace, the same peace that we had felt during the pregnancy with him. We know that he was there with us in spirit even though we couldn't see him.

Elliott and I spent some time alone with him as we let the moment sink in. We bathed his perfect little body and gave him his name and a blessing. We then were memorizing every little feature and noting how he got Elliott and Koens full lips and long dark eyelashes. We had to laugh at how he got my cleft chin and crooked feet. His nose, mouth and full cheeks reminded us a lot of Koen. We were surprised at how much long and dark hair he had, just like Koen and Lana when they were born. We were amazed at his long toes and finger beds. He even had my ears with the connected earlobes. We had to laugh again when we saw the dark peach fuzz on his arms and feet, in fact I think Elliott was getting jealous at how much more hair he already had than him. With all this evidence we were convinced that we had another silly little boy and that Koen and Eli would have been up to way to much trouble together had they been given the chance. :) It was so much fun discovering him and how much he looked like our little boy. We were so happy to finally see him and it felt so peaceful to have him here.

We debated having Lana and Koen see him, especially since he didn't survive the birth. However we wanted them to see him and feel of the wonderful spirit that was there. So Elliott went into the waiting room. When he got there he knelt down next to Lana and Koen and told them that Eli had gone to live with Heavenly Father and Grandma Vonetta. He lifted them both up into his arms and came into the room. The moment that I saw Elliott, Lana and Koen my heart and soul just lept for joy. I can't even explain the huge amount of joy that filled me up. I was so happy I started to cry again. I felt like I could feel Eli jumping for joy as well as we were all together as a family. It's hard to explain, but I was literally feeling two very opposite feelings at the same time. I was extremely sad and extremely happy at the same time.

Koen and Lana when they saw me they were very worried because I was crying. However when I told them that I was crying because I was happy they seemed to be ok with that. They were still very worried however and wanted to know about my IV and everything else attached to me. In fact Lana pointed at the blood pressure cuff and said that she could see my blood in there. :)


We then showed Lana and Koen little Eli who was laying on my lap. We showed them all of his little toes and fingers and the rest of the cute little features that we discovered earlier.



Lana helped and watched me get him dressed and then finally she got to hold him. Lana was very quiet and soft with him and was looking at him very closely.
During the pregnancy Lana would come up and tell me that she missed Eli and used to pray for his head to get better. Now she prays that he will come back soon.

My boys!

Koen loves to see pictures of Eli and will point at him and say "Eli". At the hospital however he was only interested in Eli enough for this picture and then found a greater interest in my graham crackers and juice. He was really worried about me and my owies and will still ask me about them.


















Looking at him it was easy to convince myself that he was just sleeping and that he would wake up at any minute. I loved holding his hands and stroking his cute face.

Our Eternal Family!

I love this picture!












We felt like we couldn't look at him or hold him enough. He's our beautiful little boy that we love and miss so much.
Leaving the Hospital was the hardest and most painful moment of my life. I felt like I was abandoning him and felt the physical separation of him was almost too much. I thought that his death would be the worst part however I was not prepared for the separation. It was like I had to really say good bye and face the fact that he really was gone.

When I think about how hard the separation is I can't help but also think and dream of the moment of reunion and how much more joy that will be than when we were all together for that small moment. The only thing that makes the separation from Eli bearable is knowing that we will see him again and that we are seal together as an eternal family. Thanks to our Savior Jesus Christ and our Families there is true joy in this world.

I can't thank everyone enough for their many many prayers, thoughts and services rendered to our family. We have felt a huge amount of comfort and peace from all the prayers and from our Saviors Love. Thank you all so very much. I hope everyone can some day also feel the kind of joy and peace that has come from our Eli James and our experience with him.

Eli's Funeral

I'm sorry I haven't posted our experience and pictures of Eli. It's been an exausting week and I'm planning on posting it soon, until then here is the funeral information. The funeral is at the LDS Beverly church building at 1054 W. 2nd Pl. Mesa, AZ 85201, Friday, February 20th at 9 am. Thank you all so much for all the loving support shown to us through your cards, phone calls, meals, thoughts and prayers. We hope that everyone is happy and well

The day of inducement

February 11th was set for our inducement at 9pm. This was a day that we were looking forward to and fearing at the same time. Knowing that as soon as I was in labor it was the beginning of the end of Eli's short mortal life. It was hard to know what to feel and at times we tried to not feel anything. That morning I played with Lana and Koen and helped get them ready to go to Uncle Tarik and Aunt Jamies house were they would stay while we were at the hospital. Elliott went to his dad's house to finish up working on Eli's casket.

That afternoon we all went on a family adventure to the base of Fourpeaks which were still covered in snow from a late winter storm that came two days before. It looked really beautiful and almost out of place with the desert all around the snowy peaks. We stopped at a wash that was normally dry but that now was flowing with the water from the melting snow. We were walking and playing with sticks that El had cut into play swords.

We made boats and found treasure rocks and fought off imaginary monsters with our swords and spears. Of course after fighting so many fierce monsters it was time for a break. I sat on the bank with Koen while Elliott and Lana bathed their feet in the cold water and paned for more treasure rocks with their hands.

Koen continued fighting off the monsters (bushes) with the play swords and spears while we relaxed.

As fun as it was it was still hard to ignore the fact that our little Eli was spending his last hours with us. The weather and scenery were beautiful and we felt that Eli had put in a special order for us. We had originally hoped for him to come earlier however looking back we realized we needed this time together as a family.
We can't deny that our Heavenly Father knows our needs better than we do and we are so grateful that he does.

When we got home we all showered and got ready to go. We stopped by Tarik and Jamies house around 7:30 to put the kids to bed. The kids were excited to be at their cousins, but they were also very aware in their own ways that we were anxious. I called the hospital and was informed of a two hour set back to our inducement time. The next two hours felt longer than the entire day as we waited to go in. Tarik and Jamie were trying valiantly to lift our spirits and distract us from being worried. They have been very kind to us in so many ways these passed months and we are so grateful for them.

Our little Eli

We are getting really close now to the coming of our little Eli. We have been making preperations for his birth and his passing. His due date is Jan 31st however most likely he will go over his due date and might have to be induced. So the next two weeks is when to expect him. He has been measuring about 4 weeks smaller than normal babies. However he has a very strong heart and we hope that that might give him the extra strength to survive the birth. He's very active and seems to be enjoying his little body for this short period. We are very excited to see him and very nervouse and sad at the same time for when we will have to say good bye. Elliott has been working on making his casket and I made a couple of beanies and his blessing/burial outfit with a blanket. It's been nice to have the time to do these things for him and to have some time to prepare ourselves mentally and spiritually. We are so happy to have Eli apart of our family.

We are IN

We are in our new house and so excited. Thanks to everyone for helping with the remodeling and moving. It's a miracle that it's actually done and that we are in. It's a great relief to finally be in and somewhat settled. I will be posting before and after pics of our house as soon as I've got them, I'm still unpacking so it might be a little while. Lana and Koen like having their toys again. It's been like Christmas again upacking our stuff. I'd forgotten about half of the stuff that we had. I can't tell you how grateful we are. We have been watched over and blessed everyday. I have no doubt that our Heavenly Father loves us and cares for all of his children.

We Have A HOUSE!

We Closed on our new house Christmas Eve. We are so excited. We still have a lot of work to do on it, but we are one step closer and that is a great relief. Our goal is to finish fixing the house and moving in mid-January so that we have a couple weeks before Eli is born. We have been so blessed. This house has come just at the right time and at the right price. Heavenly Father has heard our prayers and answere them. Thank you everyone for constant support and love. We appreciate all your prayer, services rendered to use and well wishes. We hope that everyone has a very happy new year!

Christmas

Our Christmas was great. We were at Tamara's parents house for Christmas Eve and Christmas and spent lots of time with family that were visiting from Utah and her grandparents from Switzerland. Lana and Koen both had lots of fun playing with their new toys and with their uncles and aunts. We really enjoyed going to see the Temple lights and watching Luke II Christmas Eve. We then spent the rest of the evening singing Christmas songs while watching the candles on the Christmas tree burn down to nothing (a swiss tradition). We hope that you all felt the Christmas spirit. We have a wonderful time feeling of our Saviors love and the spirit that this Christmas season brings.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was a blast! Thanks to Ted and Sue we were up at the finished Family cabin in Show Low Arizona with most of the Williams Family. It snowed Thanksgiving day which was super fun. It was Koens first time in the snow and Lana's first time experiencing the snow falling. We had a great time playing in the snow and eating snow flakes. After some cold weather we went inside to feast on some great pit BBQ'd and oven roasted turckeys and lots and lots of other yummy foods. It was fan-flipp'n-tastick!

It was a very fun and memoriable time at the cabin. We are so grateful for our many many blessings. We are especially grateful for this up coming time and season that is dedicated to the remembering of our savior Jesus Christ and the wonderful joy of knowing he is the savior of the world. We hope everyone has a great Christmas and had a great Thanksgiving.

One happy boy.

"Oh man, I missed!"

This is our first blog attempt. We posted some pictures to bring everyone up to speed as to where we are now. We sold our first home this past July and finally found a house that we will hopefully close on in December. Which means we should be in our new house by Christmas or New Years.

This is cutting it close because as many of you know we are expecting our second boy around January 31st. We are going to name him Eli however we are still working on his middle name. We had our first ultra sound done in September and found out that Eli has a deformity called Anencephaly. Due to this deformity he will pass away shortly after birth. This has been a very bitter sweet time for us as we prepare for his short visit. Knowing of Eli's diagnosis has given us the chance to treasure our time with him during this pregnancy. We are so grateful for the knowledge that our family is eternal and honored to have him in it.

We are so grateful for so many of you who have supported and prayed for us during this time. We will try to keep up on this blog, and would love to hear from family and friends and how you are doing.

Koen officially turned two

Koen and his cousin Dallas have proven to us that they are in their adventurous and dangerous twos by sneaking off and filling a bathtub with water and themselves.

Halloween

Lana and Koen had a very fun Halloween. Koen loves superman right now to the point where if he has a superman shirt on he will not let you take it off for days. Lana chose to be Cinderella and loves to dress up whenever she can.

Family Adventures

Good times!

It was a perfect day to fly our kite. We had a blast!

Hold your hand? No way Jose.

Hello Ladies, welcome to my blogspot.

"This is how it's really done dad."



Koen and Elliott went fishing on their way home from father and sons campout.

Supergirl!!!

Sorry no Superboy, he just gave himself a concussion by tripping on his cape.

I'm teaching Lana how to ride her bike while doggy fills in as Schoggi's crash dummy. (Schoggi is our real dog)

Two of my favorite boys